Tuesday, February 12, 2008

And Now, A Moment of Black Clarity

by Odienator

Welcome to today's MBC, Moment of Black Clarity.

In Pulp Fiction, Samuel "Yell" Jackson said he had "what the alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity." The Moment of Black Clarity extends this phenomenon, applying it to an "aha!" moment where we, as African-Americans, suddenly realize the level at which we have been conditioned, either in a Pavlovian fashion or a subliminal one.

Today's MBC is brought to you by Weave(TM). Weave: It's your hair—you paid for it.

And now, your MBC: The Sinister Intentions of the Kool-Aid Pitcher.

Remember the golden days of Saturday morning cartoons? They were always interrupted by commercials for the most sugary, unhealthy products. Sugar Smacks, Sugar Bear (who sounded like Bing Crosby re-imagined as a pimp), Sugar Pops, and other cereals vied for your parents' dollars. Almost always, there was a commercial for Kool-Aid, a product that had no sugar in it, but remains the leading cause of diabetes in Black folks. We cannot blame Kool-Aid for that, because the consumer added the sugar. Our Moment of Black Clarity appears elsewhere.

Kool-Aid's spokesperson was a colorful pitcher full of Kool-Aid who, when invoked by the multi-culti cast of kids in the commercial, would bust through a wall to bring refreshments. It made no difference where the kids were; Kool-Aid had GPS so he could always find a wall to bust through for them. "OH YEAHHHH!" Kool-Aid would yell as he caused structural damage. The kids would be seen drinking the product, gleefully bouncing around from the sugar shock. Every commercial played out like this, to the point where, when we think of Kool-Aid, we see that scary ass pitcher busting through the walls of the windmills of our minds. Now that's consumer conditioning.

But what exactly was Kool-Aid conditioning us ghetto kids for? Let's think about this:

1. Kool-Aid is colorful, usually appearing in the guise of a super-bright red pitcher of cherry Kool-Aid.
2. Kool-Aid represents a cheap refreshment.
3. Kool-Aid busts through walls.

Now, what other iconic figure is colorful, represents a cheap refreshment, and busts through walls? That's right!


He's super bright blue on the can, busts through walls, and represents a cheap drink. If one doesn't think Kool-Aid is malt liquor for kids, one has never spent time in a room full of kids hopped up on the stuff. Kool-Aid was planting the seeds for ghetto denizens to start drinking malt liquor!

I'm the Odienator. This concludes today's Moment of Black Clarity.


Steven Boone said...

Right now, I have an image in my head of Saul being blinded by the light of God's truth on the road to Damascus and falling off his horse. And rolling around in the dirt laughing his ass off until two dudes in white coats come after him with nets.

That's me after reading this.

odienator said...

Cuz you know I speak the truth! So if I disappear, you better call my mother and tell her Kool-Aid's holding me hostage. I sure hope it's grape Kool-Aid. With lotsa sugar...