Friday, March 14, 2008


by Lady Scorpio

Aw, c'mon everyone else got to play, why not me? The fall of uber goody-goody New York Governor Eliot Spitzer came as a shock. And, really, he must've been a hell of a goody-goody for people to be shocked when a politican is caught participating in, shall we say, extracurricular activites. But, hey, at least Democrats do it in the vagina. (Well, if you don't count "Gay American" Jim McGreevy, who we still joke about dressing up as Evita Peron while the masses intone "McGrEEVY! McGrEEVY!" beneath his balcony. "Mis demicasados! Mis Newarkiriquenos!")

So, let's cut right to the sordid. Many talked of the governor--or "Client Number 9," if you like to pretend the whorehouse was on the same island as The Prisoner--being into things that "weren't safe. I know the immediate thought is "barebacking," but I, being me, decided it was blood drinking. Think about it: With that bald head, those beady eyes and those pointy ears, I betcha Spitzer gets himself up in some Nosferatu drag and gets stone cold freaky.

Now, to the lady in question, "Kristin" aka Ashley (But she already had a hooker name!) Yeomans or Dupre or Dupree or St. Ives or whatever her name is. Of course, there are women who pity her as a more downtrodden victim of male exploitation, a poor aspiring singer forced into the world's oldest profession. One columnist even had the unmitigated gall to compare her to Marilyn Monroe. And let me tell you, a hooker who lives in an $5,000 a month apartment likes--okay, not likes, has done the math and has accepted--her job. She is not working the bare minimum to get by because she hates sucking married dick. She's not living with roomates in a crappy apartment so she can save up enough money to quit faking orgasm while some asshole sweats all over her. Nu-uh. No way. I ain't buyin'. This broad is lining up her reality show auditions right now. I don't care if she's a fellow female and I must stand by her. Hell, no! I don't see man/woman, I see people and people are venal, deceitful, greedy and corrupt.

Not that I'm letting Spitzer off the hook--note those words "deceitful" and "corrupt" in the above paragraph. Still, whenever stuff like this happens, i fantasize about the civil servant in question going stone cold unhinged during the press conference. Think of it. What if he had stood up there--without his wife, who should be in the Bahamas having a massage and a margarita right now anyway--and just gone off. "I have no excuse! I make no apology! I'm the governor and I deserve to get laid!"

Maybe if he even went all pro-New York State on it: "New York has the best pussy in the world! No matter where I am, I gotta have New York tail and only New York tail ! Ask Mick Jagger! He used to have that shit flown to France twice a week back in the 70's! George Clooney has to stay off the Eastern Seaboard or he can't control himself! Are you kidding me?! Empire State trim is easily worth a grand an hour!"
Of course the problem with this argument is that she's from New Jersey. When I was younger, if you fucked someone from Jersey, we made fun of you for getting bridge n' tunnel ass.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Black History Mumf One Stop Shopping

Black History Mumf 2013
The Opening Shot
Spike Does Mike: Bad 25
Get to Know Your Movie Negroes: Part V
The Content of Their Character Actors: Brock Peters
Notes on the 1951 version of Native Son
The Richard Pryor Retrospective Field Trip
The Poitier-Cosby Trilogy: A Piece of the Action 
Causing Trouble With Odienator: The Princess And The Frog
One Drop of Black Cinema: Sid Haig
Happy Valentine's Day: Waiting to Exhale
Negroes for Rent: The Toy
Three The Hard Way's Stars Team Up Again
President's Day Double Feature: The Jackie Robinson Story 
President's Day Double Feature: The Bingo Long Travelling All Stars & Motor Kings
Penitentiary Review
A Different World Appreciation
Cornbread, Earl, and Me, or Furious Styles' First Movie
Happy Oscar Day! Live and Let Die Review
A Raisin in the Sun Appreciation

Black History Mumf 2012
The Opening Shot
Rest in Peace, Don Cornelius
The Black Power Mixtape Field Trip
One Drop of Black Cinema: John A. Alonzo
Spike Lee Bamboozles Big Media Vandalism
Michael Jackson's Thriller Appreciation
The Content of Their Character Actors: Bill Cobbs
Poitier-Cosby Trilogy: Uptown Saturday Night
R.I.P.: Whitney Houston
Everybody Hates Chris Appreciation
Poitier-Cosby Trilogy: Let's Do It Again
President's Day Double Feature: Superfly
President's Day Double Feature: Don King: Only In America
Being Elmo: A Hater's Journey
Another Mumf Field Trip: Cab Calloway: Sketches
Black History Mumf Sight and Sound List (50-41)
Black History Mumf Sight and Sound List (40-31)
Black History Mumf Sight and Sound List (30-21)
Black History Mumf Sight and Sound List (20-11)
Black History Mumf Sight and Sound List (10-1) 

Black History Mumf 2011
The Opening Shot
Negroes for Sale: Skin Game
Cleopatra Jones Review
The Content of Their Character Actors: Lynne Thigpen
Good Hair, Bad Odie
Fat Albert Appreciation
Blue Collar Review
Get To Know Your Movie Negroes Part IV
The Content of Their Character Actors: Yaphet Kotto
Trading Places Appreciation
Paul Winfield and A Different Kind of Dog
When I Grow Up I Wanna Be: The Best Man's Quentin Spivey
School Daze Review
The Pondering Odie Returns
President's Day Double Feature: Mandingo
President's Day Double Feature: Gridlock'd
An Odienator's Posting about A Soldier's Story
Black Superhero Movies Are Turrible
Do the Funky Chicken At Wattstax
Happy Oscar Day!
BHM Extras:
Barbershop Review

Black History Mumf 2010
The Opening Shot
Boys N The Hood Review
To Dance with the Movie, White Dog
I Wanna Be John Shaft
RIP Eartha Kitt
Blues Brothers Review
One Drop of Black Cinema: Lucien Ballard
Sandra Bullock, You're Black For A Day!
The Cosby Show Appreciation
The Content of their Character Actors: Keith David
This Is It Review
Idlewild Review
Stir Crazy Review
The Content of Their Character Actors: Delroy Lindo
Gone Are The Days
MLK on The Boondocks
The Pondering Odie
MARRRRRCUS!! Boomerang Review
Your Homework Assignment: Comedy Tonight
Get to Know Your Movie Negroes Part III
New Jack Hustler
I Pity the Fool Who Doesn't Click this Link!
The Content of Their Character Actors: Alfre Woodard
Nothing Like The Mighty Quinn
BHM Extra 2010
Song of the South Review

Black History Mumf 2009

The Opening Shot
Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Documentary
Lady Sings the Blues Review
Bernie, Rudy and Ike
Sanford and Son Appreciation
The Content of their Character Actors: Roscoe Lee Browne
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka review
HBO: The Black List
Something the Lord Made Review
Beat Street Review
Return of Odiebama
Devil In a Blue Dress Review
Scary Black Movies
The Content of Their Character Actors: Kimberly Elise
Happy Valentine's Day: love jones and Booty Call
Eve's Bayou Review
Cotton Comes to Harlem Review
A Rage in Harlem Review
The Content of Their Character Actors: Taraji P. Henson
Me and Miss Jones
Get to Know Your Movie Negroes: Part II
Your Blaxploitation Homework
Wham, Bam, Thank You Pam!
The Content of their Character Actors: Juano Hernandez
The Five Heartbeats Review

Black History Mumf 2008
The Opening Shot
House Party Review
Imagery Saturdays: Schoolhouse Rock
Super Bowl Sunday: Jim Brown and Other Footballers Turned Actors
The Content of Their Character Actors: Diana Sands
Vote Or Get Your Ass Whipped
Coming To America Review
One Drop of Black Cinema: Joel Schumacher
No Way Out Review
Imagery Saturday: Crooklyn
Sparkle Review
Jeffersons Appreciation
A Moment of Black Clarity
Hollywood Shuffle Review
One Drop of Black Cinema: Michael Kahn
The Content of their Character Actors: Regina King
Imagery Saturdays: Blackface
Get to Know Your Movie Negroes: Part I
Michael Schultz Appreciation
Bustin' Loose Review
All Cullud Daily Double: Cabin in the Sky
All Cullud Daily Double: Stormy Weather
The Wiz Review
Imagery Saturdays: In The Heat of the Night
Oscar Night: Ruby Dee's Chances
Claudine Review
Blazing Saddles Review
Where the Hell is Don Cornelius?
Mahogany Review
Imitation of Life Review

Honorable mention, as promised, to Pat Conolly for doing the homework I assigned and providing us with the whereabouts of Don Cornelius. I'm disappointed that he hadn't become something like Obi-Wan, existing only in the force that is Soul.