Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Get To Know Your Movie Negroes Part III

by Odienator
(for all posts, click here)

Once again, it’s time for Get to Know Your Movie Negroes! As part of the No Caucasians Left Behind program, and my community service sentence, Big Media Vandalism is providing an educational, catchy tune about the permanently tanned people on your movie screen. Like last year, and the year before, Bob from Sesame Street is inadvertently helping me by providing the melody I sampled.

Sing along!

Ohhhhhhhh oh!
Who are the Negroes in your cinema?
In your cinema?
In your cinema?
Yes, who are the Negroes in your cinema?
They’re the people movies make us play!

Oh the Thug Negro, he pulls a gun!
He’ll shoot you if you try to run!
It’s a role only the dark skinned play.
He even made Clint Eastwood’s day.

Cuz the Thug is a Negro in your cinema.
In your cinema!
In your cinema!
Yes the thug is a Negro in your cinema!
He usually gets blown away.

(Let’s see: In 70’s mainstream cinema, so many Black actors had such award worthy roles as Thug #2, Robber #3 and Criminal #5. And that was just in The French Connection! Wesley Snipes, Ving Rhames, Yaphet Kotto, and several other dark skinned brothers you can think of have spent time in this role. Usually when light-skinned guys get the job, they’re unconvincing and they suck. Why is that? Next verse!

Oh the Mack likes his fancy clothes.
He’s better dressed than all his hoes.
In Cadillacs, he rolls with flash.
Bitch, you better have all of his cash.

Cause the Mack is a Negro in your cinema,
In Your Cinema!
In Your Cinema!
The Mack’s a slappin’ Negro in your cinema.
He’ll sweet talk you, then make you pay.

(I have to make a distinction between a pimp and a Mack. Max Julien’s Goldie, in the 1973 Blaxploitation classic, The Mack, is the model. Dressed in the best bad clothing the 70’s can offer, wielding a cane, a hat with a big ass feather in it and enough fur to destroy PETA, the Mack is all strutting attitude. He’s an attention getter, a human peacock. Terrence Howard was NOT a Mack in Hustle and Flow—remember, his theme song is “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.” Antonio Fargas, on the other hand, has made a career out of playing Macks, even spoofing his roles for the Wayans. And let’s not forget my favorite, Willie Dynamite. He’s dressed like a Mack, but his life is pure pimp. He can’t get a break the entire picture. That wouldn’t happen to Goldie. Final verse!)

Now the Sassy Negro is a gurrr-url.
She always gives her neck a whirl.
While telling you about yourself,
Her head movement’s bad for her health.

Cuz the Sassy Chick’s a Negro In your cinema!
In all Black sitcoms!
and in your neighborhood!
And the Mack and Thug are Negroes in your cinema!
They’re the Negroes that you meet
When you’re in your theater seat.
They’re the Negroes Ho’wood makes us playyyyy!

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